Topping the news today, 25 pigs were killed in a truck accident in Smithfield Va.

The Virginian Pilot reported, “A hog truck bound for Smithfield Packing overturned on Va. 10 Monday, killing about two dozen pigs, snarling traffic and drawing representatives from People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals to the scene.”

Reportedly, it also drew representatives of the Bush administration, which said it immediately dispatched the FBI to investigate if it was a terrorist attack. Secret Service were guarding the remains and the remaining live pigs. Highway signs were posted near the accident that read, “Ignore the Pigs. There are no pigs here.”

The CIA had reported chatter in the CB airwaves earlier in the day that something like this might be in the works.

However, Commonwealth Commonsense has learned from sources that wished to remain anonymous because their ration of pork rinds might be curtailed if they talked to the press – even CC – that the pork was destined for various stops south and west of Smithfield.

In North Carolina, the pork was going to the Jesse Helms Nursing Home, which was using the largess to provide patients with new clothing — white sheets.

Later stops were thought to include Bob Jones University, where the pork was for the endowment of the GWB endangered white heterosexual chair. A significant slab of it was also for the establishment of Chad University in Tallahassee. A few slabs were on their way to Little Rock for the WalMart scholarship fund, which offers any blood relative of Sam Walton financial assistance to manage the sweat shop of his or her choice.

The dead pigs were to be immediately made into bacon, which would be brought home to Crawford, Texas, under guard of Iraqi police, who upon completion of this tour (code name Swine 4 Swine), are to be assigned as body guards for any former anti-terrorism officers on a book tour.

The Pilot further reported:

Company officials used what is commonly called a “captive bolt gun ” to kill the animals before the carcasses were removed from the scene. The gun has a pointed metal bolt that shoots into the brain of an animal and retracts.

One of the guns malfunctioned, Collins said, and had to be used repeatedly on one animal before packing-plant officials sent for another gun.

Hence, the PETA officials.

The malfunctioning guns were to be sent to U.S. troops in Iraq to replace rocket launchers. Priority was to be given to soldiers with really long arms.

If you truly have nothing else to do, you can read the real story here.