No Pol is Left Behind Communications announces its new “You Too Can Be President” course.  Slots are filling up, so register now.

Given that Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger has said that Gov. Sarah Palin isn’t ready yet — but would be by Jan. 20 to be president, we are offering our one semester course on how to president. 

You’ll learn:

  • What the VP does (with a convenient cheat sheet called the Constitution)
  • How to dress as a president (with coupons for Nieman Marcus)
  • How to be in charge of the Senate and tips on “really getting in there.”  (“Making good policy” is in our advanced course, though election to the position obviates the need for this topic.)
  • Foreign policy basics, including identifying Anacostia, Northern Virginia and other foreign countries from the vice presidential office.
  • The names of two Supreme Court decisions you can throw around with abandon in interviews
  • Winking (learning to wink with either eye is in our advanced course)
  • Getting along with “our neighboring country” Afghanistan, or “how not to bomb Canada.”
  • How to get to New Hampshire by traveling northwest (includes free ticket to Cape Cod)
  • How to avoid questions without telegraphing what you’re doing
  • Entertaining Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae, Washington’s elite power couple
  • How to abuse your power without getting caught (Dick Cheney will be guest lecturer)
  • Learning how video and audio tapes can actually preserve things you say
  • How to read newspapers, all of them, when they’re put “in front of” you.  (Reading them when they’re put behind you is in the advanced class)
  • More uses for the word “also”
  • How to identify the pro-America areas of the country
  • The McCain doctrine (pending its creation)
  • How to shoot moose
  • All the key presidential terms, including “gosh darn” and “you betcha”

For those of you planning to write in your own name for president this year, we offer our cram course on nights and weekends, so you can keep your day job as a plumber as you learn how to be president.

No Pol is Left Behind Communications, where all politicians and other children is learning to be president!